I feel this SO MUCH and as you know, I have a lot of thoughts on weddings and the whole idea of it being an event where you can embrace doing what’s right for you - how big or small that celebration might be!
It’s so tricky when religion and culture are involved but I do love when people break tradition - HOWEVER I also absolutely love when people have fun making selected traditions their own too!
I’ve been to weddings where there’s been no after party; we went to a lush country home, got into our comfies and ate good food. I’ve also been to weddings with parties until 3am, with speeches from the Mother of the Bride, bridesmaids and bride OR no speeches at all (!), with groom’s walking down the aisle to their favourite wrestling ‘walk in’ tune, and others where the bride and groom have burst into the room together!
And every single one has been awesome - it’s been a real reflection of the couple and just about celebrating them solidifying their relationship. Like you say, how you choose to love does not matter.
While we’re on the topic, we broke a few. Both parents walked me down the aisle. We sacked off traditional readings and went for stuff from our favourite books and TV shows. And we didn’t do a first dance - we instead used our collective skills (a writer and film director / editor is a marriage made in heaven obv) to make a short film instead 😂😂 There was no way I was gonna bust my moves out in front of others like that.
This one was actually really tricky cos everything is so mushy and shmaltzy which is so not us, or had been done to death.
In the end we had an excerpt from The kindly ones by Neil Gaiman, the Bridge Across Forever by Richard Bach and the speech Liz Lemon gives in 30 Rock about her dream man 😂
I love your posts because they are so filled with so many themes so where do you start to unpack.
I am absolutely shocked to discover you are an athiest! Almost as much as you will be to discover that scarcasm is my native language.
I believe, at it's heart, marriage is about two people making a public declaration to each other. What exactly that declaration involves, and whether it has any spiritual/religious meaning behind it, will vary from couple to couple.
I knew a baptist minister once who had no problem marrying a couple who professed little or no faith, just so long as they were sincere in the promises they were making. He would then also edit the service to take out the "religious bits" which he knew they wouldn't believe, and so not make it an exercise in hypocracy.
I don't believe people should get married in a church because it is tradition or because other people expect it. If it means something then go for it, if not, then don't.
Tradition says that you shouldn't see your bride in her wedding dress until the day of the wedding. I not only saw my first wife in her wedding dress, I helped her choose because she wasn't sure and her bridesmaid was no help. And also because her cash card didn't have sufficient limit, I ended up paying the 50% deposit as well.
People should always make the day about what they want, which may mean holding to tradition, or some traditions, or being completely un-traditional.
The stress of any wedding day is enough for anyone without the burden of other people's expectations. I think Margaret can barely remember ours, it became a blur. I however can remember almost every detail (including the bridesmaid trying to talk her out of it in the car on the way to the church).
I feel this SO MUCH and as you know, I have a lot of thoughts on weddings and the whole idea of it being an event where you can embrace doing what’s right for you - how big or small that celebration might be!
It’s so tricky when religion and culture are involved but I do love when people break tradition - HOWEVER I also absolutely love when people have fun making selected traditions their own too!
I’ve been to weddings where there’s been no after party; we went to a lush country home, got into our comfies and ate good food. I’ve also been to weddings with parties until 3am, with speeches from the Mother of the Bride, bridesmaids and bride OR no speeches at all (!), with groom’s walking down the aisle to their favourite wrestling ‘walk in’ tune, and others where the bride and groom have burst into the room together!
And every single one has been awesome - it’s been a real reflection of the couple and just about celebrating them solidifying their relationship. Like you say, how you choose to love does not matter.
While we’re on the topic, we broke a few. Both parents walked me down the aisle. We sacked off traditional readings and went for stuff from our favourite books and TV shows. And we didn’t do a first dance - we instead used our collective skills (a writer and film director / editor is a marriage made in heaven obv) to make a short film instead 😂😂 There was no way I was gonna bust my moves out in front of others like that.
Awww I love the both parents walking you down the aisle, I might have to steal that. Which books/TV shows did you guys read from?
This one was actually really tricky cos everything is so mushy and shmaltzy which is so not us, or had been done to death.
In the end we had an excerpt from The kindly ones by Neil Gaiman, the Bridge Across Forever by Richard Bach and the speech Liz Lemon gives in 30 Rock about her dream man 😂
I love your posts because they are so filled with so many themes so where do you start to unpack.
I am absolutely shocked to discover you are an athiest! Almost as much as you will be to discover that scarcasm is my native language.
I believe, at it's heart, marriage is about two people making a public declaration to each other. What exactly that declaration involves, and whether it has any spiritual/religious meaning behind it, will vary from couple to couple.
I knew a baptist minister once who had no problem marrying a couple who professed little or no faith, just so long as they were sincere in the promises they were making. He would then also edit the service to take out the "religious bits" which he knew they wouldn't believe, and so not make it an exercise in hypocracy.
I don't believe people should get married in a church because it is tradition or because other people expect it. If it means something then go for it, if not, then don't.
Tradition says that you shouldn't see your bride in her wedding dress until the day of the wedding. I not only saw my first wife in her wedding dress, I helped her choose because she wasn't sure and her bridesmaid was no help. And also because her cash card didn't have sufficient limit, I ended up paying the 50% deposit as well.
People should always make the day about what they want, which may mean holding to tradition, or some traditions, or being completely un-traditional.
The stress of any wedding day is enough for anyone without the burden of other people's expectations. I think Margaret can barely remember ours, it became a blur. I however can remember almost every detail (including the bridesmaid trying to talk her out of it in the car on the way to the church).
PS If you change your mind and want an excellent, improv sermon, give me a shout. Never done a wedding but willing to give it a go.
PPS. Don't forget to promise to Obey. I knew you would mean to, but just in case you forgot.